Help Build Your Husband’s Confidence

"I personally feel that being the wife to an unemployed man means we need to do our part to show love in tangible ways, to be his best friend in the storm, to try lifting his spirits when we can, and to help boost his self esteem."                                               ~ Rosann Cunningham, UnEmployed Faith

Your husband lost his job.  He's having trouble finding another one.

A man's identity is wrapped up in what he does for a living and how well he provides for his family.

Right now, he's failing in both job and ability to provide.

Worse...nobody wants him.  He's not even getting phone calls for an interview.

So he escapes into his mental man-cave because it's the only way he can deal with the pressure and negative self-talk.

Consequently, you look at him and think he's not even trying to get a job. You see him playing video games or surfing the internet and your blood boils.  You want to scream "stop being lazy and do something!"

Help Build Your Husband's Confidence | Unemployment is so hard! | UnEmployedFaith.comYou see him sleeping in every morning and staying up half the night, and stew about how he's just going through the motions.

You try to get him to talk about what "Plan B" is for your family and he shrugs his shoulders, not knowing what to say.

Your heart races, tears fill your eyes, and you silently vow an ultimatum...if he doesn't figure something out by such and such date, I'm done, I'm taking matters into my own hands, I'm leaving, I'm going back to work, I'm... 

Fear and stress consume you (understandably so) and you start bringing up his actions (or inaction) in conversation with him.

He hears your concerns much differently than they're intended.

To him, you're nagging, don't trust him, no longer respect him, and are only trying to pick a fight. In fact, he's fairly certain what you're telling him is that you no longer love him because he's not being a real man.

A wall of strife goes up between the two of you as a result, and he sinks into a deeper depression, feeling even worse than before.

Now, I'm not blaming this on you.  It's not your fault his self-esteem is in the toilet.

You guys have been hit with some pretty hard circumstances.  It's been difficult for both of you to cope with the situation.

If you've read my book, you know I have a huge heart for the wife of an unemployed man.  I know those overwhelming emotions you're facing!  I've lived them myself.

I'm simply pointing out our words, thoughts, and actions have huge power with the people we love.

One positive, encouraging comment or action can change the entire outcome of your husbands day from negative to productive.  Likewise, negativity, can crush his spirit and send him right back into the man-cave.

For such a time as this, I encourage you to do everything you can to build up your man.

When his self-esteem is low, he has no confidence to even attempt seeking employment.  How on earth will he survive an interview if he feels he's not worthy of their time or equipped to do the job they are considering hiring him for?

He needs to have confidence to sell himself as the right candidate for an employer.

So how can you help build your husband's confidence back up?

Fill his love bucket!

This recent post will give you some ideas of how you can do that:  How To Love Your Husband Through Unemployment.

Here are a few other ideas that are great self-esteem and mood boosters for men:

  • Kiss him every time he walks into the room.
  • Tell him you love him and then tell him why!
  • Grab his hand and hold onto it when you're together.  Give it a good reassuring squeeze from time to time.
  • Surprise him with something special.  Perhaps a love note or his favorite meal {in front of the fireplace}...
  • Flirt with him like you did when you first met.
  • Smile when he approaches.  Smiles are contagious and yours will send him a signal that you trust everything will be okay.
  • Hug him.
  • Initiate sex and don't be afraid to spice it up, showing him how much you crave being intimate with him.
  • Thank him when he has a good, productive day.  Let him know how much you appreciate his efforts and reassure him that the perfect job for him is out there.
  • Compliment his gifts or talents.  In fact, encourage him to pursue employment or income earning opportunities where his passions are.
  • Grab his hand and pray out loud for him when you can see he's really feeling defeated.  Pray words of scripture reminding him that he's fearfully and wonderfully made and that God did not create him with a spirit of fear.

Let's face it.  You can't control the outcome of this situation.  You can't control how desperate or depressed your husband may end up feeling.  There's not a quick fix here.

But you have a choice.

You can choose to curl up under the covers and cry for weeks, accomplishing nothing of value, and not helping the situation improve at all.

Or, you can maintain a positive attitude, trusting God has a plan and a purpose in what you're going through.  You can view this season as an opportunity to grow as a person and in your faith.  And you can be the cheerleader your husband desperately needs right now, lifting him up, being his help-meet...loving him through this very difficult time.

No, it won't be easy.

Yes, you're going to have days when you want to throw the playstation controller in his face.

When those moments happen, stop right then and there and say a 30 second prayer.  God, please soften my heart, give me peace over this situation, remind me why I love this man, and remove satan's lies from my head.  

Trust works!  Do this every single time and after a while you'll notice these feelings and negative thoughts happening less frequently.

I'm praying for you, dear friend.